stacey

i hate this city!!!!!

sometimes..

i wish i had a friend to share it with. i hate complaining, and usually i would go and DO rather than wishing. but its so hard to do that in this city without seeming super creepy. there are so many cool looking people in this city, and i just admire them from afar.

i seriously feel so pathetic!
why is it so hard for me to make friends..?
i've almost been here for a year now.. :(

my cat basically almost jumped off of my 22 floor balcony what theeeeeeee fuck.
my stomach and heart are still out of my body pretty much.
fuck youuuuuu cattt, i love you so much please dont scare me like that anymore!!!!!!

if i am like this with my cat then i will never be able to have kids, and kids are even more curious than animals! jesus christ

but anyway

ughh whenever i make tea it ALWAYS gets cold before i drink it, how depressing..

so here i am, in dire need of a hug and possible a cry in my boyfriends arms, because i am so shaken, but i kind of want to punch him aswell because he is most likely the one to leave the screen door open (which led my cat to getting on the balcony) BUT i dont wanna lay all the blame on him..

lalala
i am so bored

the new metric is soo catchy, even though it comes on the edge at work like 216496809 times a day, i still lurrve it.

damn, i really wish my tea was warm.

i was reading my first posts here a couple minutes ago, ahah i was obsessed with LOST. silly me. that show has gone way downhill.

so, my manager hasnt sent this weeks schedule, how am i supposed to know when i'm working? i opened today and it actually wasn't that bad, i woke up at 6am though, thats the only bad part. today went fairly fast and i love being the one to leave the first. it was sunny out today but not so warm, i can't wait untill its so warm out that we will be ripping our clothes off..well, not really..but, it will be so easy for me to get a sun(burn)/(tan)? which ever haha. i'm soo white and i'm afraid i will blind everyone with my milky white skin.

i'm really hoping that i have a day off this week because i desperately need a government issued photo id for basically everything i do..
to buy alcohol (probably the most important ...jk jk)
to just have it.
i need one to get into school pretty much.
i have my sewing test this weekend and i need a photo id to show to them, so if i dont get one i guess i am fucked!

i wanna go home and be able to look out my window and NOT see another building exactly like mine ruining my view. i want to see the wilderness, and TREES and not city lights everywhere , sometimes its nice to just see nothing at all. and to have the birds wake you up. where you can actually go swimming IN the ocean and not worry about toxic waste. to feed the duckies, to be able to go for walks in the park , where the parks arent creepy as fuck (aka my area.. they're so sketch), to be able to adventure, and to ACTUALLY have one, not..go for an adventure and see shops or buildings or ..well, it seems like all they have here are buildings hah. to be able to be best kind with people you dont even know. people here are so caught up in themselves, and without even having to SPEAK to them you can even tell that they are. okay, so i'm generalizing here, i'm sure that not everyone is like this, but like.. cmon toronto, stop being such a jerkoff and actually give a damn about me; the minimum wage worker, making you smoothies and giving them to you in such a polite and quick manner, you cant get any better than that. i've have to bite my tongue soo many times. i am so cynical & senile already without even having to reach the age of ohhh 75. so, i'm really ranting here, but whatever, go to newfoundland and i'm sure you'll have NOTHING to complain about, other than being a bit bored but being bored never hurt nobody did it? nah, didnt think so.

i hate not knowing when i'm working.
its 11:30pm, i still need to get a shower.
i go to bed so early these days, i am such a granny.
needs me sleep

hi 2009

i think it will be a good year

i dont write on this as much as i used to
or as much as i want to
dont really have many friends on this thing, mostly just communities.
but sometimes i prefer it much better than bluekaffee or creepbook.

new years resolutions:

be the better person I KNOW i can be.
get a snail mail penpal!
start college in september and do my best with it.
design and sew more
lead a more healthy lifestyle
no more grouchyness
SMILE AND LAUGH MORE!

:)

my life is changing in so many ways.
im going to toronto so sooooooooon

life is crazy!

i cannot stop smiling.

i never know what to write about.

i want to go shopping so bad. going to the mall is such a tease. but im sure there will be better shopping in toronto (obviously..) newfoundland is so slow on the trends..

i cannot wait to go to american apparel again! yayaya
and forever 21, mm.

i will be stylin when i come back.
shoes,shoes,shoes.

speaking of stylin , i picked out my glasses this week, i'll be getting them in a couple days. they're dkny :]
they're along the lines of these ( i cant remember what they look like exactly.):




either way, they looked really great and i cannot wait to have them! ^^

man, my muscles ache all over..
getting back into exercising is so difficult.
wish it didnt make me feel like shit for like..a week after haha.
just gotta keep pushin through it though. it will be okay in the long run and i will look good!
a+



anyway,
random ramble.
im boring.

that even little things disapoint me.
my PMS has to be the worst out of everyone i know, no joke.
is there like..a treatment for this? hah.

but besides all that, life is coming up daisies. (which are my favorite flowers infact.. ^^)
i love my job, i love drinking smoothies all day long and all the people that work there are fantastic. i can't believe i get paid for having fun, ahah, what a joke! but thats great huh? working full time isn't bad at all, i thought having a job would leave me a ball of stress, but i guess that doesnt come around untill you have a career going for yourself.

speaking of careers, ive been thinking so much lately, and its surprising to think that in less than a year i will be in montreal going to school for fashion design! so exciting..
i hope me and my babe get an appartment in montreal w/ two kitties :). i have so many things to look forward to and it makes me so happy.

i have an appointment with the eye doctor on friday, i hope i get new glasses, these things just gotta goo


i wanna get some sleeker ones, thick black frames im thinking. the ones in the picture look black but they're really blue.. ugh, what was i thinking? okay okay, i guess they're not that bad, but everyone needs change!

mine now are like this, only lighter :


and i want something along the lines of these..






:D

anyway, thats all..
haha
im boring

BAI.

IM GOING TO TORONTO SO SOON WTF.

i feel like deleting all my old mushy, stupid, depressng journals! but i won't, because they were true feelings. i just think that sometimes i should limit my somewhat more..emotional feelings to my non-public interweb free "diary".

things have been woooonderful
and i'm with the boy i've always wanted to be with from the beginning i laid eyes on him (+ the months he caused me lots of sad times n tearzz) but that was all in the past! and here we are now :)

he's the best



yayayaya

im such a fuck up..

i'm giving up on everyone.
i don't fucking care.

its just not worth it anymore.

i'm in the worst mood ever, and i'm sorry to say this nick, but i do feel hopeless.

i would kill to have someone with me right now.
why do i have to be so goddamn fucking shy, i wish i could just throw away all my inhibitions and go for what i want, not caring what i think about myself, not caring about what lines i'm crossing, because i have to make something of myself. maybe that will happen while i'm gone, i just need to get out there y'know?

the night is set up for a mcdonalds supper and a viewing of numerous scrubs episodes. id say "call if you want". but there's noone on this site that can call me, hah.

why cant octobre come now when i can really depend on the person i want the most right now.

coordinate brain and mouth, then ask me what it's like to have myself so figured out, ..i wish i knew.


:(

ahhh i love inspirational moments. haha
when you just feel this BURST of happyness, and contentment.
i love friendsssssss.

and the shins
dayummm, they so gooooood.

blablabla

9 days!!!!!!!!!!!!!

i hate how i write in fragmented sentences, haha. it makes everything look sloppy as fuck. but i feel like every different thought should have its own paragraph. hah

i feel really fucking tired right now. its really weird. i feel like i've been rushing around for days when really i havent been doing anything at all. and my tummy felt weird tonite, but now its gone (Y).

i hung out with sarah, nicole and some andrew guy that i havent met before. i assume that he went to holy spirit with them! he was nice though. we played balderdash, it was extremely hilarious. muahah. board games rule! not even joking.

i don't even write real journals on bk, nick! you should know that ;p

i think i might get in bed now and watch an episode of scrubs. if so, that will be the fourth episode i've watched today. hahaha. /addictedd. loves it though.

i feel like i have so much to do! its really stressing me out. i should make a list. hahaha. but if i do that i'll probably loose it. but it would be nice to just sort out my thoughts. nahh, i'll just do it here..

k so
grad on thursday. i need to wake up pretty early, then go get my hair done at 9. after that i'm going to get nicole to pick me up at xtreme hairzone and do my makeup! then i need to go up to the school to get my report card, arghh. then i'm gonna get dressed, yadda yadda. take pictures, yadda yadda, go to mitchells then probably. awhhh he's gonna look sum cute! haha. then its off to the motorcade! :D. then its grad.

and i also need to get alot of stuff before i leave for quebec, ahhh.
just little stuff though, like a new toothbrush, new toothpaste, razors, shaving gel, etcetc.

and i need to buy a fan for my room! cuz i know i'll die without one. bleeegh.

and then i need to pack.
ahhh i'm going to bring so much stuff with me, ahaha.

my cat is adorable.
she was just scratching at my door to get in my room, and she never does that :). now she's lying on my bed close to me, falling asleep, awhhhhh. i'm going to miss her so much when i'm gone. infact, i'm going to miss my bed so much when i'm gone. hahaha. nothing like your own bed. and i'm sure the beds there are complete crap. i'm totally bringing my own sheets!

yeah.
i'm going to bed now.
xtiredx.


sometimes love isn't about how much someone suits you
but how much you're willing to change to suit them.
:(

SCHOOL IS OVERRRRRRRRR

but not quite.
i still have to go in on monday and pass in some sts' and labs. blaaa.
anddd i have to go in on tuesday to pass in books, BULLSHIT.

gah, i'm so tired out.
i really need a goodnights sleep.

babysitting sucks, but i need some summer clothes. hah.

13 days, 13 days! im going to throwuppppppp.
this is surreal.
no parents for almost the whole summer, wtf.

i can't wait to go home and cuddle up and watch scrubs!
/loserrr
:)

blabla
someone cute called me today, teeeheee.
made me really happy..

i want to say i'm really happy with my life right now but thats a lie..
there's just a few things that make me horribly sad. and i can't even change them. its pretty depressing. i guess i just have to let things run its course. maybe things will look up.

i really hate feeling hopeless. and i do feel that way in so many areas of my life, but there are so many great things that weight out the bad things. i have amaaaazing friends. i have amazing things to look forward tooo, ahhh!!!! :D

jezkillz makes me tooo happy, fuck i love her.
this summer will be amazing.
im going to miss dav so much though, and katie.
and gemini! awh :( i'm gonna be so worried about her, hah.

lalalalala

umm good mood again! sweet deals.

soo not much has been happening in the past week or so, exams have finally started and i just had my english exam today. it was deece! pretty short aswell. and i also had my french interview (in which i was more nervous for that than anything else) and i did awesome on! wooooo, i'm happy :)

so there's only 21 days untill i leave for quebec city, ahhh yes. i can tell its going to be the best experience of my life! with my bffs, meeting lots of new people, and also spending a week with my relatives that i love so much but yet never see, ohohoh and i forgot to mention SHOPPING SPREES lololol. its going to be amazing. i'm going to come back home with a whole new wardrobe, bahaha.

sooo this weekend will be spent going over math, french and biology. mostly just math though because i really want to do well on that exam.

no plans.
just waiting for a drunken phone call tonite :D
and watching lots of scrubs, while doing math work, ahaha.

ummmm whut ^ nick?
you're the only one reading this i bet..

heeeeeeeeeeeeeeehe

foods class is boring, but i'd much rather be doing nothing than doing something! i just wish that davina was here,arghh.

or atleast someone to talk to! biology next and i'm probably going to get my test back, oh noooo, i did so bad.

hopefully i can get a ride home from the tutorial today.

why is it that i can only talk about school? ahhh

someone
buy
me
a
plane
ticket
2
vancouver.

its almost june first, and i'm soo excited. then it will only be 2 weeks untill school is over. then only a couple more days untill i leave for quebec. mad adventuressss.

hopefully exams will be easy peasy. we got our exam schedule yesterday and math and french are on the same day, again, ahh, fuck. oh well, i'll try my best. hopefully french is first.

english friday, math and french tuesday, nothing wednesday and thursday, then my bio public is on friday. and then i'm finished!!

how exciting.

etynhoeptyjpjyp

the shitty weather is making me depressed.
i want sunshine and warmth.

blaaaa

havent written anything in a while.

its sunday and i usually hate sundays! but i'm really taking advantage of this one, to get everything done. i'll probably be up really late again tonite trying to get everything done. i can't believe i was up untill 6 last night, haha wtf. i love writing letters to special people though :)

this week was pretty layed back i guess, i just thought about alot of stuff, alot about my education. a lot about exams, especially my biology public. to be honest i am soso scared. it is worth 50% of my mark, and so that means i have to do amazing to get an even respectable mark. that is so impossible for me. but atleast i've already started studying so the future looks atleast decent. i know i won't fail, cuz that's just not my style. i just need to keep given'r. if i get my career project done tonite then it is smooth sailing from here on, then i just need to focus on passing all my shit in and then studying for exams! i'm really glad that our public is the last exam we have to do, because i really need to focus on french and math. i can't believe how bad i'm doing in french this year, i just don't get it. i'm not used to it or something , every other year its been so simple, and we didn't have a large workload, but its not even like we have one now, i guess i'm just getting really lazy, when i reallyreally shouldn't. french is one of the most important things to me and i should be trying my hardest to learn this language and keep it up, when i am just slacking off, i could be doing so much better, i just have to realize that french has a very important role in my life, and if i want to get a great job i will have to do the best i can with this.

only 33 days untill quebec! even though i say i am excited, i just don't feel like its there yet, once its come into plain view, and i can almost grasp it, then i will be excited. but it just seems so far away and not real that i don't even care much.

blaaaaaa

i want to change my livejournal layout, but i don't know how to.
nick, help?

i am le tired.
today was boring, but i loved it.
i made a phone call to a very special person, not thinking it would work, but it did! but then i realized it was costing a million bucks every second, so i had to cut it short. but then that special person called me back, and it made me smile :)

logh are sweet! so nice and relaxing.
i need a job so i can buy some cds, dayummm.

i pulled a muscle in my leg the other morning.
it still hurts so bad and i'm practically limping around. cripplelololol

nickbaker, you were drunk tonite and for some reason i'm ashamed.
i just think its really stupid that you wrote a journal.
k cool.

last night was deece, and i love coming home at 3 and talking to my dad and his girlfriend whilst still being intoxicated / not.
it was silly, but i'm good at acting. then i pretty much passed out, but didn't want to, i really wanted to watch heroes but i knew i wouldn't be able to remember what happened in the morning, so id just have to watch it over.

my phone woke me up at 7:30 in the morning, and i was freaking out, i was thinking "who the fuck is calling me now???", they kept calling and so i put my phone on vibrate, but then it wouldn't stop vibrating and i'm pretty sure that was more annoying then the actual ringtone. so i just switched it to silent. i really really really reallyyyyyyyy wish i picked it up. because that would have been so damn cute.

i woke up not feeling so well, but i didn't want to go to the washroom and throw up while my dad was home. so i just waited for then to leave. then i made myself throw up, and i felt so much better after. i love sleeping innnnnnnnnnnnn. i couldve slept in for so much longer but my mom came with all my extra stuffs, and now i really don't know where to put everything, so i'm going to have a yard sale on monday selling the stuff i don't need. extra $$$ coming my way. :D

i hope i get mcdonalds tomorrow because i am really fucking craving it.

i'm so happy that its a long weekend, i have a feeling that tomorrow will be very productive, selecting things to sell in the yard sale is exciting to me, damn i know i'm going to love owning my own business. and tomorrow will also include getting my resume+cover letter done for career class. and doing my biology lab + studying for biology. lets hope i get all these things done. i don't see why i wouldn't.

sometimes not having plans is good

oh, i need to find someone to job shadow too.
fuck.

today was so much worse. oh well, you always need bad days to have good ones right? my hair looked bad, i looked bad, i felt gross. i didn't really want to talk to anyone but davina and katie. i guess i'm just drama. i'm sorry if its only the truth, no reason to get slightly angry over it.

this song is beautiful.
come dance with meeee

i am so fucked in every single one of my classes, except for clothing and foods. and english(wow!). but with math, french, bio and career i am completely fucked. i have so much work to do in all of those classes, especially career which is really stupid because we don't even have an exam in that course, it's all unnecessary. i really need to speed up. i am becoming uber slack, and things are piling up. where can i do job shadowing to???

whywhywhyyy

show up at my front door please.

today was overly long, and my eyes feel like they're bleeding. my hair looked good today, just though i would point that out. i couldn't stop touching it! its getting really long..

its not like i was tired, but a warm bed would have been nice. sitting in biology class completely disapearing and smiling for various reasons, i love that feeling. but then knowing you probably look like a douche bag.

i had a nice talk with sammy gosse on the bus today, i was thinking and i realized that we hadn't really talked just the both of us before, it felt good.

i would really like to be with a certain someone right now, she always makes me feel better. not like i'm feeling bad or anything, just a bit off i guess.

yeah, you are beautiful but you don't mean a thing to me.

not getting what you want has to be one of the biggest problems humans are faced with. we are so selfish, and narcissistic, but thats just us i guess.

i want to lay in a large field, on a warm sunny day and watch the puffy clouds pass by, pointing out shapes, and laughing..its something i've always wanted to do really. too bad the only fields newfoundland has to offer are ones that are scattered with cow shit. loljezzz

thinking is my love/hate relationship!!

it's wonderful

haha i love the livejournal mascot!
billygoaat

:)

its monday and i'm in a great mood! i wonder how i'll be at the end of the week.

everyday is one step closer and it makes me smile!

it's just not fair..

this song gives me goosebumps, in a really sad way though. even my cold has some kind of a connection.

i'm going to kill you.
/not.

i feel like i have the prize on a rod stuck on my back hanging in front of me. i'm running and trying to get it but i will never be able to get a hold of it.

what a cruel idea.

on a lighter note, i think i may turn half vegan!
mmm beaans.